May 2013
2 posts
16 tags
I lie in bed, crushed.
You shower me with endless compliments
But I don’t believe a word of it.
And I’m so insecure
That I think I’m just another to add on to your list of relationships.
I can’t be convinced otherwise.
How and why are you with me?
How is it possible that I feel more special with the men who means nothing to me?
Yet with you,
You have a way of taking that...
10 tags
At the wedding,
one of my coworker, who I hardly talk to, was drunk.
“Treat her nice.” She told you.
“I will.” You said.
And this little voice somewhere in the back of my mind thought,
“Yeah right. Doubtful.”
And it just sneered at the idea of it.
But me-I just stood there with my beer,
beaming because I was listening to another voice that was gushing...
April 2013
3 posts
14 tags
I am in constant need for a rush of adrenaline
- A constant need for a surprise.
The courage I feel to face my fears,
Has made me eager to skydive
into love.
I am strong enough again to be vulnerable.
13 tags
Me:
I’m going through a I-miss-certain-people syndrome again. And you’re included on that list ;) haha
And I feel stupid and cheesy and grossed out with myself for admitting it. LOL
You:
It’s cute.
There’s nothing wrong with it.
I miss you too :)
You could just flat out text me that you miss me, you know. Don’t have to be grossed out.
Me:
I know. But I...
3 tags
It’s 5 o clock in the morning, Conversation got boring, You said you’re going to bed soon, So I snuck off to your bedroom, And I thought i’d just wait there, Untill I heard you come up the stairs, And I pretended I was sleeping, And I was hoping you would creep in with me. You put your arm around my shoulder, It was as if the room got colder, And we moved closer in...
February 2013
7 posts
11 tags
I did it again.
2013.
This was the year I was suppose to follow the “5 dates” rule.
I met someone new.
He wanted to go slow.
He’s so different-this might work.
This was my chance to work on a new relationship.
But I messed up.
I gave it up too fast.
I can’t help myself.
Now I’ve shut down again.
I’m emotionally unavailable.
It’s so unfair to...
14 tags
On graduation day, my mom wrote,
“It’s amazing that you’ve never asked for money or anything from me. Even when I want to give it to you, you never take it.”
I just don’t need anything from anybody. I also don’t believe anyone will be there for me so I had to learn how to be strong for myself.
10 tags
The bathroom has always been my favorite place in the house.
Whether I turn on the fan and sit in a corner,
Or let the scalding water run down my body,
It buys me at least one hour of crying time.
5 tags
We have touch-less sex
7 tags
In one week, I feel like I’ve aged 10 years.
9 tags
I got really good at being emotionally detached, no matter what the situation is.
But the fact that I might be losing my mom without really losing her, is starting to hit me.
And in my exhaustion and frustrated state,
I feel all those emotions I blocked out, are finally catching up to me.
9 tags
Dammit.
I kicked him out.
Now I miss him.
So much for wanting things to end.
January 2013
60 posts
5 tags
15 tags
If there are those who are blinded and can’t see
the troubles of the world,
I will make them see or speak loudly for them to hear.
We are all given mouths
But if there are those who aren’t allowed to speak up,
I will speak for them.
If the oppressors have crippled their legs,
I will stand up for their rights.
15 tags
“Il dolce far niente.”
Yes, there is sweetness in doing nothing
But laziness should never become a habit
or a part of your personality.
25 tags
“There’s a certain point in life when a person can no longer change.”
My mother use to tell me that
I can’t go around trying to change people
Or attempt to right all the wrongs in the world.
I tried to point out my father’s flaws and reprimand him for all the immoral things he did.
As a result, I became the hated daughter.
I know there are consequences to every...
8 tags
It’s 4 in the morning.
I can’t sleep.
So I went for a walk inside my mind…
11 tags
I know these days I’m the furthest thing from your mind
But I hope that some of the littlest things remind you of me
Even if just for a fleeting second. Like the days you come up to this part of town to work
and I’m only ten minutes away,
still hoping that you’d drop by after and say hi.
Or when you pull out certain shirts
that I folded for you the very last time I was...
20 tags
I used to be rational when it came to being in love or being infactuated.
It was easier when you’re not caught in it
When you don’t lose all your senses.
I was always rational.
But that was before … I let a boy hit me and get away with it.
Before I didn’t let a boy lead me on.
Before I discovered that I’m more patient than I thought.
When I held on to...
21 tags
You’re a much better substitute than alcohol has ever been for me.
I much prefer being drunk in the love you give.
I didn’t need any therapy group to help
trade my reliance on copious amount of drinks for your sweet kisses.
I’ll give up every last bottle if I can stay wrapped around you like this.
I use to feel ashamed when I’m sober enough to feel anything at all...
14 tags
Once upon a time,
I made up a story
About a city girl (me) who traveled to an exotic, uncharted land
(a place that looks like the deep jungles of a mountain in South America)
where she found a tribe and fell in love with a native man
And found primitive love in rare form.
12 tags
Dear ____,
Never let me fall so deep in love
that I am blinded by it.
Sincerely,
Yours.
12 tags
We lie in bed,
finished.
You mentioned your favorite beach to go to when you can’t sleep.
“I go there when I’m sad.”
And I REALLY wanted to know what makes you sad but I couldn’t.
My rule of not getting to know you beyond the surface of things,
wouldn’t allow me to ask you.
16 tags
- Un jour, j’ai vu le soleil se coucher quarante-trois fois !
Et un peu plus tard tu ajoutais:
- Tu sais… quand on est tellement triste on aime les couchers de soleil…
- Le jour des quarante-trois fois tu étais donc tellement triste ? Mais le petit prince ne répondit pas.
*********
Translation:
- One day, I saw the sun set forty-three times!
And a little later,...
8 tags
” I’m finding that sincerity
and to be simple or direct as (possible) I’d like
is often taken for sheer stupidity
but since it is not a sincere world-
it’s very probable that being sincere is stupid.”
-” Fragments”
20 tags
“Why did you bring him up to our house?”
“Because he needs to use the restroom.”
“Why can’t he go outside? Like the dog he is.”
True.
But don’t be mean. I just want to fix people and help right the wrongs.
“Don’t you think people like that can change for the better?”
“No, they can’t. You can keep hoping and...
26 tags
When you’re a booty call, sometimes, the offers come flooding.
Even at the most inconvenient time. Like now. When I got hurt by yet another douchebag.
Just another mistake.
A rare chance for me to allow someone to step a little closer to me, only to have him destroy me in the end.
I had the strength to care for someone else.
All I wanted was to be “someone” to...
7 tags
“…Make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here.”
8 tags
You bring out the worst in me.
A side that I never knew I even had.
14 tags
My friend: “The worse ones are the liars who pretend like the’yre good and honest. I hate it. I just got out of that. Fuck men. Use and abuse.”
Me: “Well I definitely know that. But I just don’t want to believe it.”
My friend: “Oh well. Gotta put yourself out there to find the right one. Even if it means getting hurt a hundred times.” Me:...
10 tags
As we continue to walk along the shores, I slip my arm into his
and lean up to give him a peck on the cheek
before settling back to nuzzle my face against his chest.
He looks down at me, quizzically.
“That was unexpected. Considering you never let me display affection with you in pubic.” “I know. But it feels good…to do it with you.”
14 tags
Compliments makes me feel uncomfortable.
It’s easier to believe the negativity.
Like being told I’m ugly and worthless for all my life.
16 tags
You make the three hour drive just to see me
Because we’re both addicted to the kind of sex we have.
It’s been almost a year that we’ve been keeping this up
-starting a month after I got my heart broken
We are the perfect arrangement.
With you, “friends with benefits” and “fuck buddies”/”booty call” got defined without words.
A brutally...
12 tags
“I’m a promiscuous woman, yes, because I want to use sex as a mean to find what everyone is looking for: recognition, pleasure, self-esteem, and in short, love and affection.” -Diary of a Nymphomaniac
13 tags
My mom will never understand.
What mother wants to see her daughter get taken advantage of?
“All I want is for a man to treat you right.”
“Mother, that will take a miracle.”
I don’t want my mother to see me on the ground, crying because I messed up again
Because I go against my better judgement.
“I’m worry about you. You don’t always have to...
14 tags
” I don’t know what to do. I want to hug you-but I know you wouldn’t like it.”
My closest friends know that I have a hard time outwardly showing affection.
They know better than to hug me
Even when I break down, sobbing uncontrollably. I hug myself.
And my only support is the wall I lean against. Note on my door from 1st year flatmates. Don’t remember...
all-the-wrong-words asked: I'd die to meet a woman who could think as deeply and passionately as you.
20 tags
I’m crying because …
- I got attached to you
- My heart is still broken (even if it wasn’t by you)
- Every experiences before got me thinking I’m replaceable
- My insecurities makes me think I’m a man’s last resort
- I’m only good at being a play toy, an object, nothing.
- That I can left for another girl.
6 tags
Forgive me for all my insecurities.
13 tags
I told myself (and you)
That I won’t make something out of nothing.
But here I am
Driving myself crazy, waiting.
I’d rather have you
and cry over you
Than to cry because I don’t.
14 tags
You have to put up with the fact
That I often feel trapped
And that it takes every effort I have to not get up and run away
But I actually wish I can take you on my journeys too.
You’re the best distraction for my loneliness and from my thoughts.
You’re a distraction for a few hours
-Most of which are spent sleeping together.
10 tags
If you were to cheat and found someone else to replace me,
I have to compensate
By thinking that I can just up and leave at a moment’s notice
And that kind of feels like I’m cheating on you too.
It seems like we would then be even
But we aren’t.
16 tags
I’m shy and nervous around you
I get tongue-tied and don’t know how to respond at times
I’m socially awkward
I laugh things off so much, I wonder if you get annoyed by it.
I never give you a definite answer and I’m a tease.
I make it up by being more physical.
Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t have slept with you on the first date
-Not that I regret it
Just...
11 tags
You went to grab a condom from my stash
And then asked me
If I’ve used any of them recently.
It’s not the first time someone has assumed that.
It sucks that you think I can’t commit
It hurts that you think of me in that way
Or that you probably don’t believe me
When I tell you no.
2 tags
“He comes from a foreign place,
An island far away
Intrigues me with every move
Til I’m breathless, I’m helpless
Can’t keep my cool
Steals my heart when he takes my hand
And we dance to the rhythm of the band
I feel his fingertips grip my hips
And I slip as we dip into a state of bliss.
Mama used to warn me to beware those Latin lovers …”
“Ay...
10 tags
This is the fourth time I’ve been with him.
And I haven’t been sober once …
9 tags
Whether I’m in love with you, like you, have a crush on you, infatuated by you,
I hate that they all feel so good
But missing you (even for just a little while), hurts like no other.
It’s almost not even worth it.
