August 2011
34 posts
“I love the dark hours of my being
in which my senses drop into the deep.
I...”
– Rainer Maria Rilke, from A Book for the Hours in Prayer, trans. Robert Bly (via proustitute)
July 2011
39 posts
Please
Stop talking to me.
You have to be the one to cut me off
Because I can never bring myself to do it first.
I always answer to you against my will and better judgement.
I think of each guy one at a time
And from there, a million ideas of what to write comes to mind.
After all this time of going through the same thing,
I have the game completely figured out.
I thought I would become immune to the misery I put upon myself
But when the guys end up hurting me like I already expected,
It hurts all over again as always.
Blame it on the alcohol
That brings you home in a drunken stupor
And what turns a midnight rendezvous to hours of fighting.
That causes you to promise you’d never lay hands on me
After you already did.
Alcohol is what made you bold
Finding out about your deception is the last straw
So that here you are now drinking alone in misery.
Rock. You rocked my world
You were the rock so solid in my life.
Then I had to be my own support in the chaos you created.
You humiliated me.
Now the only rock left,
Is the one I want to crawl under.
That day, You came towards me at the same time a bee did
So that my quick reaction caused me to somehow trip over my own foot.
I laughed hysterically with you, I was crying.
This would happen to me.
I wasn’t sure if I switched to crying from embarrassment.
This WOULD happen to me!
But now, it has become our little joke.
From the beginning, you always told me you like my curves
You...
I forget to condemn the ones who mistreats me.
Two people with different lives and from different worlds
Gave people a reason to talk
And yet, you are my safety net.
Even if we do our best to keep our love to ourselves,
We know that they know.
Loving you in a fish bowl
Everything-exaggerated or not-
Gets reported back to you.
The occasional screaming, slammings and slaps-
The neighbors hear but pretend they know nothing.
And when you...
I’m tired of your pride getting in the way
So that whatever I do is offensive to you.
That I have to take back my harmless words and actions
And practically beg you to stay.
Fuck you for making me so jaded
For believing that the new love of my life
Can turn into a jackass like you.
” Even if I stopped wanting you,
A perspective pushes through,
I’ll be some next man’s other woman soon
I, shouldn’t play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend, not
Fuck myself,
In the head with
Stupid men.”
‘Tears Dry On Their Own’- Amy Winehouse
I wasn’t afraid of telling you the truth
But now I’m wondering if I had confessed too much.
I never keep secrets about myself
But my stupidity keeps me talking to the one person I shouldn’t.
You treat me like the foolish person I am
And I don’t need everyone else thinking the same.
Stop talking to me
And giving me an incentive to answer you.
I knew you were unfaithful.
You disappeared without a word to me.
You came back with a ring.
I already knew you were unfaithful.
And I became one too
When I slept with your best friend.
Inner Order
dearoldlove:
I wish I could file a restraining order against my thoughts & dreams of you.
Today the roof caved in
And I lost everything
I thought I had in my life with you in it
The walls broke down
When my world fell apart.
The ground became unstabled
And I lost my footing.
The Universe collapsed
And it hasn’t stopped raining since
but everything remains dry and without life.
Somehow our paths crossed
You met me halfway
At opposite ends of the world
Meeting right in the middle
I took the road less traveled
like Robert Frost.
It did make all the difference in the world.
Fate has a way of doing that.
I want to fit into your shoes.
Have them take me to all the places you’ve traveled
and journey through your life
So that when I take them off,
I know where you stand
And can walk besides you.
Tonight’s going to be the last night
You’re going to come home late
Climb into bed
Expecting that I’ll be there.
It’s the last time
I’ll stay up waiting for you
Anxiously waiting
Pacing and biting my nails
Brushing my teeth for the fourth time in an hour.
Or when I’m lying awake
And pretending to be asleep
when I hear you creeping in.
Tonight’s...
I wish I didn’t dreamt of you
Because I woke up missing you even more.
It didn’t bother me much before
And I accepted you as you are
Flaws and all.
But I wonder if you see what’s in front of you
Whether you can even see through the haze you blow.
Which reality do you live in day to day?
Is the real me even a part of them?
Did I really know you?
Really know you?
And if you gave it up for a day,
Would I only know a stranger?
Whenever we fought,
It never took us more than 30 minutes to make up again.
When it took us 2 days
after a heated reflection
of where we stand now,
I knew we were doomed.
I can’t seem to do you justice
When I try to give you a melody.
Worse is my inability
to use bigger vocabulary
Leaving me to describe you with meaningless words.
You just can’t be confined in them.
Look at me up til 3 in the morning,
Trying to define you.
It’s a pity that I can’t
When you’re that wonderful.
A she-wolf
A tamed kitty cat
A coy lynx
My animal instincts.
The wilted flowers on the coffee table
The coffee table unstabled
The chipped paint on the wall
The lope-sided picture of you and I
Hanging on the wall about to fall
The clock frozen in time
The atmosphere in the room
Grey and dismal
The cracked and dusty window panes
The couch no longer occupied
-Tainted with wine stains
Welcome to my home without you.
You walked pass me
As if I was shielded with an invisibility cloak.
I was never into romance of any kind.
Then you came along and showed me how to love.
I think I’m starting to really feel for you.
But I’m still keeping one foot out the door.
The greatest kind of love is one without lust.
Just pure affection.
You’re the one all the guys want to be friends with
And the one all the girls want to be with
Because they know you like I know you-
A human being with a heart of gold.
The one I miss the most
When all the other men failed me.
The friend I want to lie in bed with and tell stories with.
A simple platonic relationship...
He called me difficult.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard that in my life.
Never preferring to get caught up in childish drama
Yet still managing to be dramatic.
I cry every once in a while
just to cry.
And I can’t explain that to you.
Maybe he’s just being sympathetic
Because he stuck around anyways.
I don’t care if you only tell me what you think I want to hear.
Because it is all I want to hear.
It was always glamorous in my head
And now that we’re both lying together in bed,
I feel like my fantasies came true.
You keep me guessing
And everytime feels like
I’m falling for you for the first time.
Lying in bed while you blow smoke
Touching and just watching the haze …
Interlaced.
Listening to you change the philosophy
of what I previously thought about life.
You must think you’re clever
Thinking you played everyone
My patience is running thin
Lying to my face- I think I’m done.
You lack real human interaction
Sitting in your room
Your sad existance and pathetic distractions
Chatting with gamers you don’t even know.
I have better things to do
Than to sit here, listening to you
Trying to dig yourself out of the hole you...
Love me until I feel like I’m molded into a Rodin’s sculpture.
because when we’re lying there after
Catching our breath
Steadying it to a normal rhythm,
I’m still an empty shell
just as I was when we started.
I forced myself to enjoy it.
Wait … you did what and what?
I know …
And of all the people …
Exactly.
… What is wrong with you?!
To be honest, I have no fucking clue.
You’re oxygen for my lungs.
The air I breathe.
You are my life.
Only more.
Convenience
dearoldlove:
I’m not sure which I hate more: that you only loved me out of convenience, or that I let you.
